Passages and Fives

This was sent to me (just the bold, underlined bits):

10 years ago it was 1995, and I was:

Getting married on June 10th,
moving out of the city I was raised in,
turning 21 & experimenting with new chemicals,
getting used to having lost one friend, throwing out another and
making lifelong friends and acquaintances.

5 years ago it was 2000, and I was:

Becoming completely disenchanted with politics,
living my last childless year.
Sharing an apartment with Dug and my brother-in-law.
Going to my first comic book convention.
Planning the future.

1 year ago it was 2004, and I was:

Depressed and stuck in Pensacola, FL,
Becoming completely disenchanted with politics,
Celebrating my son's third birthday while losing my grandfather,
Closing the doors on a failed business endeavor,
Surviving a major hurricane.

Yesterday I:

Forgot all about my troubles for awhile,
Thought about changing jobs (again),
Rode rides with my kid and ate garbage food,
Got along with my in-laws for eight hours or more,
Stayed up late reading comic books.

5 Songs I know all the words to:

"Tough it Out" - Webb Wilder
"Streets of Laredo" - traditional
"Horndog" - Overseer
"Beautiful Poison" - Vini & The Demons
"Christianity is Stupid" - Negativland

5 Things I would do with 100 million dollars:

Move out of Pensacola, FL.  Like, tonight.
Establish college fundage for my progeny.
Go on a several-month-long trip around the world, taking friends.
Buy a political candidate, or shares in one.
Donate to Oxfam, ACTOR, the CBLDF, and the ONE campaign.

5 places I would love to visit:

Dealey Plaza, Dallas, TX
Rosslyn Chapel, Scotland, UK
Switzerland (all of it)
Japan - major cities
some totally deserted place with no people

5 things I would never wear:

female condoms
sulfuric acid
a wolverine
a leather helmet like Natalie Portman's in "Garden State"
anything hip

5 favorite TV shows:

Alias
the Simpsons
Oz
Antiques Roadshow
Moonlighting

5 bad habits:

telling people what's on my mind
smoking cigars
fucking swearing
cutting people off
an inability to relax properly

5 biggest joys:

my wife
my kid
loyal and understanding friends & family
flights of imagination
jokes & spontaneous laughter

...so if you don't tell me a fucking joke, you're depriving me of joy, and I'll find you and tell you what I think, and won't relax until I do.  Oh, and I'm supposed to "tag" somebody with this, so I tag everyone who reads this and has a blog.  Specifically, C, EP, B, MItch, Jesse, Rich, JRH, and JB.  Fucking alphabet soup, man.  Fucking anonymity.

Comments

[Basford]

A guy was drinking in a bar that was at the top of a skyscraper in the middle of downtown. While he's drinking, the elevator door opens up and a second guy walks in. He orders five shots of tequila from the bartender, pays for them, downs each one in a row, and walks over to the window and jumps out.

Ten minutes later, the elevator door opens again and the second guy walks in. Once again, he orders five shots of tequila from the bartender, pays for them, downs each one in a row, and walks over to the window and jumps out.

Ten minutes later, the elevator door opens again and the second guy, again, walks in. While he's waiting for his tequila, the first guy approaches him. Incredulous, he asks, "What's going on here? I've just seen you drink 10 shots of tequila and jump out the window twice without anything happening!"

The second guy goes, "I'll let you in on a little secret. There's an unknown effect of tequila in which when you drink it, it dramatically lowers your weight. When I drink five, it makes me light as a feather - so when I jump out the window, I actually float to the ground."

The first guy, astonished, quickly orders five shots of tequila from the bartender, pays for them, downs each one in a row, and walks over to the window and jumps out. After he jumps out, the bartender goes to the second guy and goes, "You know something, Superman? You're a real asshole when you're drinking."